It's time to get things started on The Muppet Show tonight!

First just watch this.



If that doesn’t make you smile I don’t know what will. I love the Muppets; I have since I was a kid and don’t think a little think like growing up has in anyway changed my attitude about those guys. And it seems like my appreciation of Jim Henson’s creation is about to help me out scholastically now too.
Let me explain. For my theater history class I have to write a seven to ten page research paper on a topic of my choice. As long as the topic has something to do with one of the many subjects we cover in class it’s fair game. Since I’m a comedy fan I decided I wanted to write about Vaudeville. The thing was, the paper had to have a central argument, a thesis if you will. I couldn’t just write about the history of Vaudeville I had to have something I wanted to say. The only problem with there was absolutely nothing I wanted to say about Vaudeville. I didn’t really know that much about it, that’s why I selected it for my paper. I was going to learn as I researched. But that wasn’t going to cut it, I was going to have to think of a central thesis if I wanted to write this paper, and for that matter, pass this class.
The paper is due in parts, about two weeks ago I had to turn in a paragraph explaining what my paper would be about. Still having no idea how to answer that question I did what do I best and just bullshitted the entire thing. About an hour before the paragraph was due I went online and found a Vaudeville sight that mentioned several different stars. I wrote down four of five of their names and a little history about them and said that my paper was going to focus on the different stars of the Vaudeville scene. I was so dispassionate about this topic that I actually had to print out two copies of the paragraph one to give to my professor and one to keep so I’d remember which stars I said I “wanted” to write about.
Last week I got my paragraph back from my professor. I was quite disheartened when I read her comments “Good choice of stars but be sure to find a way to unify them under a central argument.” Shit. I was back to the exact same problem I started with, I had absolutely no idea what kind of central argument I could unify them under. There was only one thing left to do, procrastinate! And procrastinate I did. This seems like as good a time as any to mention the new Twitter account I just set up (www.twitter.com/OhScotty).
But now I had to turn in an annotated bibliography featuring at least five sources I’ve found on my topic. The bibliography was due last Thursday and as of Tuesday I still had no idea what it was I was researching, much less the books I was reading to research the phantom topic. I started getting depressed; I needed a pick me up. YouTube it was. I wanted something that was going to put a big smile on my face and I went to the video I placed above. When I went to class I found myself having trouble paying attention because I kept humming the Muppets theme in my head. Quick side note: how that song is not available on iTunes is beyond me!
Class ended around 1:45 and I had to stick around campus until 9:00 for the frat meeting. That gave me over seven hours to go to the library and start researching Vaudeville and hope I came up with an idea. There was only one thing left to do, procrastinate! And procrastinate I did. I went online in the library swearing after I checked my e-mail I was going to look up some Vaudeville sites to help get the gears going. Here’s how that went.
“Wow, someone wrote a seven part series on the films of Wes Anderson? I still got seven hours to go, I can read that.”
“Hey look, an article about Aaron Sorkin’s old show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, I love that show! I’ve still got six hours to go, I can read that.”
“The musical Hair just opened on Broadway and The New York Times has a review? UWM’s doing that show later this month. I’ve still got five hours to go, I can read that.”
“What’s that? You say Facebook is a social networking site where I can keep up to date on all my friends’ comings and goings? How interesting I guess I can look at that for a couple of minutes.” (Anyone reading this on Facebook right now let me ask you a question, how long did you actually intend to be on Facebook? That’s what I thought.)
So my seven hours of hard research somehow decreased to a little less than three. I realized I had to get away from the computer. Not because I had wasted too much time but because I felt myself falling asleep and needed a pick-me-up, so I headed to The Grind for my typical French Vanilla Cappuccino. Best. Cappuccino. Ever.
I was getting depressed and didn’t know what to do. I had to turn something in on Thursday and I was fairly certain an annotated bibliography was harder to bullshit than a topic paragraph.
“Man, this sucks,” I thought. “I need something to cheer me up and I can’t even go online to look at the Muppet theme song again because it’s just going to mean I’ll end wasting an hour on YouTube.” And then it hit me, I could write about The Muppets!
Stay with me here, because this actually makes sense. My old theater professor had told me once that he enjoyed early Saturday Night Live because it reminded him of Vaudeville. Of course, that’s what my paper would be about! “Even though Vaudeville itself is gone it’s spirit lives on in shows such as Saturday Night Live and yes, The Muppet Show.” It was perfect! I actually knew things about those shows and as I learned more about Vaudeville I’d be able to compare and contrast.
It also felt like I was somehow rebelling it a weird way. I mean I’m now prepared to write a seven-page research paper that deals partially on the Muppets. It feels like I’m getting away with something. Demetri Martin has a great standup routine where he talks about his time in law school. He hated studying law but he loved playing games and his favorite was a game called “word”. Basically he’d pick a word out of the dictionary and tell his friends what the word was. The goal was for someone to use that word in a sentence during a lecture. The routine went something like this.
“One word was hobble. My friend Jason stood up and said ‘This law was designed to prevent people from hobbling into court with any old claim.’ Nice. Now, I’m doing the reading. I’m becoming a good student for all the wrong reasons. Just so I could show off. So that I can prove I can use the word “cupcake” in a contracts case.”
That’s kind of how I feel. I’m not doing this paper just because I have to, and want to get an A so I can graduate and finally move on to the next stage of my life. If you’ve ever met me I think you’d know it’s blatantly obvious that I’m terrified of the next phase of my life. I’m doing it because the thought of my professor, someone who has a doctorate in theater, sitting in her office reading about me waxing intellectual on the Muppets is hysterical. Like I said, it’s my tiny way of sticking it to the man. In a way that’s not sticking to anyone at all really.
I found five books to write my bibliography, three of which were on Vaudeville, one on SNL, and a fifth about the life of Jim Henson (there’s not as many books published about the Muppets as I’d hoped.) I sent an e-mail to my professor to make sure the topic was acceptable and absolutely LOVED her response
Scott,
I cannot say no to ANY essay that involves the MUPPET SHOW! (The Alice Cooper episode changed my life. Really!)
That’s someone with a Ph.D. people. That’s pretty awesome even if it all but kills my “rebellious” streak.
But now the time has come for me to stop thinking about the paper and actually write it. There’s only one thing left to do, procrastinate! And procrastinate I am. Which is why I’ve written my first blog in over a month as supposed to writing a paper. Some things I don’t think even Obama can change.