A Literary Paradox

Paradox (ˈper-ə-ˌdäks) noun. One (as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases.

Here’s one for you. I love buying books but I hate reading them. I know it doesn’t make any sense, right? But somehow whenever I find myself at the mall rather than go in The Gap, Abercrombie, or Old Navy (do people still shop there?) I’d much rather kill the time in Barnes & Nobel. I love that place! The music, the coffee shop, the books! And I don’t just mean the comic books, though I do admit that’s usually the first section I go to. However the folks at B&N have the good taste to refer to these “comics” in their true name-Graphic Novels. That just sounds better doesn’t it?
“Are you reading a comic book?”
“No my good sir, I’m reading a Graphic Novel.” Classy. But I’ve actually kind of fallen out of my comics reading phase. With superhero movies being so good and coming out so often, I feel like I’m getting my fill of heroics at the theater. Usually what I find myself reading (or more appropriately not reading) is nonfiction. I watch TV to get away from the world, I read to learn about it. And I think just typing that sentence I’ve learned what part of the problem is. The desire to learn without doing any of the actual learning.
You know the old saying “You should never judge a book by its cover.”? I’m great at that, except when it comes to actual books. When I see a book cover I immediately get excited and want to know all about it.
“How intelligent I’ll look”, I think to myself, “when I can say ‘Well I actually was reading a book on the topic we’re currently speaking about and I can honestly say that…’”
I don’t actually talk like that. The point is lately I’ve found myself hungry for knowledge. And while it would have been nice if I would have found myself wanting to know things when I started college I’ve always been of the “better late than never” school of thought. Just ask my co-workers. The problem I have with finishing books is two fold. 1.) I never seem to find myself in a position where I need to talk about the book I’m reading, and 2.) I usually find myself in a B&N before I finish reading a book I’ve bought and suddenly want to know about things in a new book. I currently own ten books that I have yet to read. Oh I’ve started most of them but have yet to get to the back cover. Here a list.

Yes Man by Danny Wallace
Consider the Lobster by David Foster Wallace
Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay
August: Osage County by Tracy Letts
Angels in America by Tony Kushner
Culture Warrior by Bill O’Reilly (I was in a Super Market and I had nothing to do for an hour, leave me alone.)
American Gospel: God, the Founding Fathers, and the Making of a Nation by Jon Meacham
Washington’s Spies: the Story of America’s First Spy Ring by Alexander Rose
SCORSESE BY EBERT (a title like that just has to be in caps)
Plain Clothes Naked by Jerry Stahl
Charlie Wilson’s War by George Crile

Two are novels, two are plays, two are books of essays, one’s a memoir, and the other four are nonfiction books on various subjects. And that’s not counting the eight classic books leather bound books I paid forty-five dollars each for. It’s a long story (I bought them because I thought owning and reading them would impress a girl I had the hots for. Ok it’s not that long.) But I think I’ve found the solution to both my problems.
Solution to problem number 1-This blog! Even though when I go out to the bar, which is the only place I ever seem to see my friends, the conversation rarely turns to Washington’s tactics during the Revolutionary War, it doesn’t mean I can’t talk about that here. This is my blog; I can talk about whatever the hell I want. And while that doesn’t exactly make it a conversation I’d love it for people to comment on my writings and tell me what they think.
Solution to problem number 2- Stop going to Barnes and Nobel! Simple enough, I don’t really find myself at the mall as often as I used to. And it’ll save me some dough too. Granted most of the books aren’t that expensive, rarely over 20 bucks (go paperback), it’s still a pretty big waste of money if I’m not reading them. So, my new goal, call it an early New Year’s resolution, is to read all these books. Every single one, in no particular order, well I kind of ordered them in my head but I doubt you’d be interested how.
So do you think I can do it? I do. I think it’ll be nice to sit down and actually find out if I’ve made good purchase or if after getting through the third book I’ll find that my desire to buy books suddenly dying down. It should be fun, at least until I get bored with it and move on to the new thing I’m obsessed with.

To Alcohol!

The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. I got a drunk dial from a friend last night which was kind of fun for two reasons. 1.) It had been awhile since I’ve got one and they’re usually entertaining (unless the call is coming post break up). And 2.) It was only about 12:15 so I wasn’t asleep yet.
We all know how the drunk dial goes. The caller tells you how much they miss you and that they really think the two of you should hang out more. And then they usually tell you a couple of things they shouldn’t. The make sure you know exactly what they’ve been drinking that night and insist that even though they’re buzzing they’re not yet drunk. And then…they do the same thing about three more times. I’ve been there, on both the calling and receiving end. But that’s not what I find the most entertaining part of drunk dialing. What I like is the call you get the next morning.
“Oh my God, I don’t even remember calling you last night.” They say in voice that indicates just what pain is going on in their head. “What did we talk about? I didn’t say anything stupid did I? How did I get that bruise? Oh my God! You won’t tell anyone I said that will you?”
Of course not, part of the secret pact of drunk dialing is that you must use some discretion. Everyone’s going to hear about how half way through the conversation all I heard was a thud and you laughing. And then you being curious as to why your leg hurt in the morning. But I promise not to mention who you said you were secretly attracted to. We all know the rules so let’s remember to keep them. And please let’s try to keep the calls to before 1:00 in the morning. Thanks.

You Can’t Stop The Clock

This blog is supposed to be about my daily thoughts and while I’ve done a pretty shitty job on the daily aspect I’d still like to give you my thoughts. Right now there’s really only one thing on my mind, my dog Samantha. She’s an Alaskan Terrier who we’ve had for a little over ten years. We got her when she was about four. For those of you that don’t know much about dogs (or aren’t that good at math), Sammy’s old. Too old. She has cancer. I don’t know for how long but we found out on Wednesday.
She’d been sick for awhile now and last week she was throwing up and having diarrhea problems. Her energy had also shot way down and there was one night when she was having trouble breathing and we weren’t sure she was going to make it through the night.
We took her to the vet on Tuesday and had her get a blood test. What an ordeal. Because she’s gotten so old her veins have gotten smaller so the doctor couldn’t get enough blood. He must have stuck her seven times before he finally put a muzzle on her snout and, as my father and I held her down, he got some blood from her neck. We got the call the next day. Pancreatic cancer, she also had liver problems and was severely anemic. Dr. Mitchell made it very clear; we’d never have our healthy dog back. There were some medications he could give us but it would be a stall at best. My father had taken the call and decided it was time to let her go, this was a particularly hard call for him to make because he’d always been the closest to Sammy. He was in the basement; my sister and I were upstairs listening. We came downstairs when we heard him hang up, he was crying. It’s weird because I don’t see my dad cry that often so whenever he does it feels…strange. Like I’m seeing something I’m not supposed to.
We decided that we wanted Dr. Mitchell to put Sammy down since he was the doctor we’d worked with since the beginning. He was only working Wednesday and Saturday and we knew we didn’t want to put her down the day before Thanksgiving so Saturday it was. That day is tomorrow and I hate it. I don’t want it to come. It felt so far away on Wednesday. We actually called Dr. Mitchell back to make sure that keeping Sammy alive those three days wouldn’t be cruel to her. Now I wonder if we couldn’t keep her just a little bit longer. I’m not that close to her but she’s my dog man, I can’t remember a time we didn’t have Sammy and life is going to be different when she’s gone. I don’t know why but I thought she looked better on Thanksgiving.
“She looks pretty good.” I said.
“You think she looks good?” My cousin responded. “She’s shaking and weak and skinner than I’ve ever seen her.” I actually appreciated that. I’m not one for sugar coating and Amanda was just telling it like it is. Sammy was sick and her time has come. I was thinking the same thing today when I saw her; maybe we could do it Monday. Then she threw up for the second time today, this was particularly bad because she really hasn’t eaten anything for the past few days. So who am I kidding? Keeping Sammy around until Monday would only be cruel and selfish. I’m going to miss her. It’s a sad but true fact that you only really appreciate something after it’s gone. Or maybe I just want the unattainable.
Sorry that my first blog back in three weeks was such a downer. I promise they’ll be funnier. Chicago really was a blast. But that’s for another time. Right now I just wanted to say goodbye to my friend in the only way I really know how to say anything. The written word.
Goodbye Sammy. You’re a good dog that always made me happy. And I’ll miss you.

Hey I’m Back!

Hey there, sorry I haven’t done a very good job at keeping this thing up to date, I’ve actually been kind of busy lately, which is odd because I don’t remember doing that much. Anyways I’ll try to post some more things up soon but I’m actually on my way out and headed to Madison to check out the Badgers Hockey game. I don’t know much about hockey, or the badgers for that matter but I’m going with my friend Ellen and I haven’t seen her for a while so it’ll be nice to catch up with her.
The reason I’m posting this is because it’s a bright day in the world today. No not because Obama got elected, or that…uh is anything else actually going on in the world? No, the reason I’m happy is because Pixar has released the teaser trailer to their newest movie Up. I’m not exactly sure what this movie is about but that’s ok It’s by Pixar and that’s all I need to hear, I’m sold. I wasn’t big on Cars and I thought Ratatouille was a little over ratted but then the made Wall E. I don’t know if you’ve seen it but you should. It might be the best animated movie I have ever seen. I’ll talk about it more when it comes out on DVD for now, here’s the trailer for UP. I will say this, I’m a little disappointed it’s a regular trailer and not a mini movie like some of there teasers but still, some Pixar is better than no Pixar.